P R O F I L E. *

from childhood till beyond

ay.. not really in a mood to write today ar.. will update more tomolo lah.. NitEz eVERyOnE.. ^-^




hEe.. mY dEsktOp's wALLpApER.. v.



haiz.. so much has changed.. things are so different now.. feels so weird.. it's like.. i dunno how to phrase it ar.. but.. i miss the old carefree days.. so happy.. so innocent.. so free of worries and wonders.. haiz.. i guessed it's juz part and parcel of life ba.. things get harder to handle as we get older.. more matured.. today.. felt damn weird.. rEbEc not herself de.. actually since she's with mALcOLm.. she's been like that le.. she never spoke a single word lor.. then the three of us like.. not that close to her lor.. dun dare ask much.. haiz.. dunno lah.. her temper kinda short also one.. haiz.. then aiyoh.. i very confused ar.. erm.. should i go for so many concerts?? got xiAo gAnG's one.. got 56's one.. haiz.. need to get a job like now ar.. haiz haiz.. school's as usual.. go school.. eat then.. at times go shopping.. heE.. my favourite hobby leh.. haha.. then erm.. yup.. like that lor.. that sOmEbOdy.. haiz.. broke up with his girlfriend again le.. aiyoh.. why like that de.. so unstable le.. so sad.. vALeNtiNE's dAy coming somemore de.. so poor thing.. haiz.. feel so sad for him ar.. why he do things on impulse de.. haiz.. think he'll juz let natural take it's course ba.. haiz.. wish him all the bEst ar..
in few days' time.. it's erm.. hiS birthday le.. erm.. hE ask me go out with him.. but erm.. extra lor.. hE say eLi going de.. so i say okie lor.. but eLi juz called.. she say she not going.. then erm.. me how.. haiz.. dunno lah.. hate this.. then erm.. ay.. need to get present mah?? but.. get also i dunno get wat ar.. haiz.. kills braincells.. hee.. tot of asking sOmEOnE to buy then we share.. haha.. but.. ay.. haiz.. dunno lah.. a lot of worries that's it.. we'll see how.. gotta go le.. haven't finish doing my tutorial.. gosh.. and it's almost 12.. haiz.. attached is erm.. haha.. photo of my present classmates.. hEe.. taken quite long ago de le.. ^-^ NitEz..

*****










haiz.. today's new year's eve.. haha.. erm.. dunno lah.. not feeling very happy abt anything.. so hurt so hurt.. erm.. fiONa.. dun worry le.. mE and hUiEn.. erm.. think okie le lah.. juz.. think we not as close as we used to be le lor.. haiz.. thanks lots lots.. ^-^ hE asked me something yesterday.. and i again.. rejected him.. haiz.. i dunno.. but i dun think there's any way i could accept him.. juz isn't.. haiz.. mE and sOmEOnE's like getting closer and closer as days goes le.. my resolutions.. G.O.N.E.. haha.. i dunno was supposed to go out with them de.. but got too much stuff to do at home.. tot not to go le.. then that pERsOn like not happy.. haiz.. i'm no one to him lor.. dunno why he's controlling me so much.. haiz.. dunno lah.. but i somehow feel bad lor.. i mean.. i juz rejected him de.. then erm.. haiz.. dunno lah.. hE ask me go tell eLi that i not going tomolo.. then be it ar.. tell lor.. no big deal de.. haiz.. i asked sOmEOnE to join us actually de.. haiz.. now that he's going.. i'm not.. i actually told that pERsOn that sOmEOnE's free.. could ask him out.. which.. shows that we got contact each other de ar.. so i think that pERsOn's real hurt.. haiz.. i dunno.. hate this..








.. gotten this from a mail.. found it rather interesting.. try it.. ^-^

One day, you get lost in the wilderness while travelling. It gets dark and you have no choice but to seek refuge in a small hut nearby. The owner tells you all his rooms are haunted. Which room will you choose?

The room where:
A) a human head stares at you maliciously from outside your window
B) the bathroom door creaks open and close, and there are sounds of a woman sighing
C) the bed starts rocking violently whenever you try to sleep on it
D) a headless ghost sits at the foot of your bed when you awake in the middle of the night









A) a human head stares at you maliciously from outside your window
Explanation:
You need a lot of private space and are more suitable to work alone. You look for stability i.e. a job that is not easily affected by external factors and provides steady income. E.g. Doctor, lawyer, SOHO, teacher, administrator.

B) the bathroom door creaks open and close, and there are sounds of a woman sighing
Explanation:
You prefer a stable job that does not require you to run around or meet people. You are willing to be subjected to pressure from your bosses if that lets you sit in an air-conditioned office all day. E.g. Civil servant, engineer, computer engineer, accountant.

C) the bed starts rocking violently whenever you try to sleep on it
Explanation:
You are an active person who cannot sit still and does not like to be restrained. You are easily adaptable to a job which is full of changes and not routine. E.g. Marketing, insurance, sales, deliveryman, chauffer.

D) a headless ghost sits at the foot of your bed when you awake in the middle of the night
Explanation:
You suit jobs that need you to meet people, especially large crowds. Your job will depend on these people, but you will not know who they are E.g. superstar, politician, PR, counter/frontline sales.





erm.. sorry that i can't mention names here.. doesn't feel quite right.. but.. i know.. shE knows who i'm thanking here.. really thanks a lot.. *muacks muacks.. ^-^ anyway.. i think i'm immuned to it le.. i dun think as much as i do before le.. i dun cry at the very thought of it le.. haiz.. i dunno.. things changes i guess.. part and parcel of life.. haiz.. today's juz another day.. time flies.. juz passed christmas.. then comes new year.. and now chinese new year's round the corner.. soon.. everyone would have to settle down for serious studying le.. haiz.. life's juz so extremely boring.. oops.. and before i forget!! today's kOR's birthday.. he's 25 le.. heez.. getting old le ar.. anywayz.. hApPy biRtHdAy!! NitEz..








put myself to sleep in tears again last night.. things are changing too fast.. too fast that i can no longer move along.. shE's giving the not-be-bothered attitude.. did things.. very much becoz someone else told her to.. i really thank that person.. ^-^ thanks lots lots.. but.. i dunno.. maybe i'm being too selfish.. too petty.. but.. i'm too hurt that.. i couldn't forgive like i always did in that short period of time le.. i always gave in.. but.. shE never appreciates.. her attitude's something not everyone could stand.. not all.. it felt like shE treated me for granted.. HURT is the word i can use to describe my feelings.. hE asked me to leave her alone.. let her be.. sHE's not worth me crying over every night.. but.. we were juz so close so close that.. it's not juz a simple 'gOOdbYE'.. and that's the end of the story.. it's not.. juz not.. my life's so full of crap.. so very confused.. sOmEOnE ask me go fly kite with him this saturday.. i dunno if i can go.. i dunno if i should go.. new year's round the corner.. a lot of last minute stuffs that need to be done.. i think hE's decided to stay on in the school ba.. i asked but.. hE said hE doesn't know.. hE's in athletics.. and hE needs lots of training.. hE asked me to go train with him.. aiyoh.. i dunno lah.. wat should i do ar.. so hE's decided that we meet every staurday.. go running.. haha.. me.. run?? wonder wat's gonna happen.. i'm lazy.. serious.. but.. haiz.. i dunno.. i agreed though.. but.. hE said i could tell him.. if i didn't want to go.. or when i've got too much work to cope with.. hE's so understanding.. yup yup.. but.. haiz.. i dunno lah.. sOmEbOdy also very different de.. haiz.. hE like.. meets his girlfriend lesser le.. hangs a lot with us.. treats me extra nice.. talk to me with a different tone.. so different from the rest.. maybe.. i think too much ba.. haiz.. hE juz came online.. hE juz talked to me.. haiz.. i dunno.. life's getting more and more complicated by the days.. God bless.. NitEz everyone.. ^-^



haiz.. i'm so not in a mood to blog.. lot of things are happening.. haiz.. things getting a bit out of hand le.. haiz.. i dunno lah.. hate this.. sOmEOnE's asking me out.. i dunno.. should i go?? should i not?? sOmEbOdy's treating me extra nice.. extra sweet.. but.. he's attached.. haiz.. wonder wat's he thinking abt de.. haiz haiz haiz.. let's wish for a better tomolo..



erm.. i still so sad... shE.. i dunno.. i feel we so distant le.. no more wat we were before le.. sad.. haiz.. i dunno lah.. anyway.. was supposed to go for R&B's autograph session.. but.. in the end.. hUiEn couldn't make it.. haiz.. so went alone lor.. reached there.. met xiNGyi and yU.Er.. was drizzling.. then it began to pour.. real heavy.. heavy till crazy.. oh god.. was soaking wet.. but time flew.. soon they arrived.. oh my god.. my hUAiEn's so so so cute de.. oh my.. he's so sweet.. they performed a lot a lot of songs.. mostly theirs.. but.. they sang 56's too.. haha.. so cool.. enjoyed myself lots lots ar.. haha.. and hUAiEn's so cute.. i told him.. 'hUAiEn.. muz jia you ar..' .. and he told me.. 'oh.. sure sure.. you also muz jia you.. and take care of urself.. see you next time..' .. haha.. i was so shocked.. heez.. he told me to take care lor.. aH.. so sweet de.. heez.. LOvE him ar.. he got shake hands lor.. haha.. although the Dj kept saying dun talk or shake hands with them.. coz the queue very long.. muz hurry a bit.. but.. they all so friendly.. all got shake hands and when u talk talk to them.. they sure answer de.. haha.. i so happy.. ^-^ ay.. then today went school.. as usual.. monday's timetable is extreme crap.. got 5 hours break.. and obviously.. we went shopping.. heez.. all of us bought quite a lot of stuffs ar.. heez.. so fun.. heez.. actually enjoyed myself lah.. heez.. but.. haiz.. shE's missing le.. haiz.. feels like.. a part of me is no longer there le.. we were so close.. so close.. forget it.. some things are juz meant to be.. NitEz..





ay.. had a long day.. went to visit aunt at her house.. took almost an hour to reach.. haven't seen her ever since the other day at the hospital.. she's now back home le.. looking much much better le.. ^-^ kOr wasn't at home.. dunno where he went.. haiz.. so long didn't see him either le.. haiz.. went shopping.. didn't buy a lot.. bought a pair of shorts.. haha.. dunno for wat.. but quite sweet.. for home wear de.. but quite ex ar.. haiz.. dunno why bought on impulse.. ay.. bought a khakis skirt also.. heez.. quite into khakis this days.. haha.. maybe too sick of denim le ba.. got lots at home le.. so for a change -- kHakis.. heez.. saw a few nice shirts.. but mom dun let me buy.. haiz.. like this white shirt from some shop.. dunno wat's the name ar.. then got this nice navy blue shirt from nike.. with wordings saying.. be my love.. mom objected like crazy.. but.. haha.. i'm sure i'll get it.. waiting for my pocket money.. then off i go get it.. heez.. i love that shirt.. so sweet and nice de.. dunno why mom dun like.. haiz.. even my cousin aLbERt also say nice.. i did go try.. he say looks nice on me de.. haiz.. but mom object to the words.. haiz.. but.. juz wait and see.. i'll get it.. hahaha.. anyway.. tomolo's a long day too.. gotta go for lesson.. then off to get my 56's second album.. then rush to bishan meet yU.ER they all.. till R&B's autograph at 5.. got lots of drawing and writing to do during the waiting hours though.. haiz.. kiez ar.. off to bed le.. NitEz.. dun wanna be a panda tomolo.. muz look nice nice.. looking forward to seeing my hUAiEn.. ^-^ NitEz.. v.




i love autumn.. but.. i'm so sad.. haiz..



haiz.. seems like.. most of us are getting rather bored at doing this le.. if not so.. i am.. haiz.. kinda troublesome though.. haiz.. sOmEbOdy and his girlfriend patched le.. i think their bond's so strong.. so strong.. nothing can break them apart.. i know i shouldn't be feeling sad.. down or watsoever de.. but.. i couldn't bring myself not to think abt it.. haiz.. how how?? i dun dare msg sOmEOnE also le.. he said he'll teach me to dance.. wonder when's that ever going to happen.. phew.. and i'm so sad.. so very sad.. i cried myself to sleep last night.. maybe shE didn't mean anything.. but i think our friendship is going down the drain le.. shE sounded so sarcastic.. so hurting.. i hate myself.. maybe it's me being to sensitive.. but.. shE didn't sound a bit interested to talk to me.. could have juz told me.. i'll hang up.. i promise.. i think i shall not call her anymore le.. hate doing this.. but.. it's too hurting.. it felt like a knife cutting into my flesh.. we were so good.. so extremely good friends de.. haiz.. the thought of it.. makes me tear.. bye blog.. hope shE'll have a smooth route before her.. bye friend.. take care.. if.. shE actually reads this and know who i'm talking abt.. i juz gotta say.. i'm so hurt.. T.T



haha.. first day at school.. nothing much.. finally gotten to see sOmEbOdy.. after this long long break.. heez.. but.. he's sick.. so poor thing.. then today.. second day.. he didn't come school le.. hope he's fine.. tomolo's a short day.. only two hours in school.. then dunno wat i'm gonna do.. wanna go shopping.. haiz.. i dunno.. but my feelings are so cOmPLicAtEd.. and real cOmPLicAtEd.. haiz.. sOmEOnE.. erm.. ay.. learnt a new dance in school ar.. haha.. and hE said he gonna teach me.. then in exchange he wanna hear me play violin.. ^-^ but.. i dun play anything good.. so paiseh to play for him.. haiz.. T.T kiez ar.. gotta go watch show.. then watch wanyu.. then head to bed le.. heez.. NitEz.. P.S i think hUiEn's in love le.. haha.. someone i would say.. more realistic?? heez..
bYEz..



ay.. dunno why.. but seems like.. either bLOggER got problem.. or my com got problem.. i cannot view the bLOgs as a web page.. weird.. anyway.. tomolo start school le.. so.. no more late updates of bLOgs le.. gotta sleep sleep early le.. erm.. tomolo.. sOmEOnE also first day at school.. haiz.. wish him gOOd LUck ar.. ^-^ bYEz.. and NitEz..



phew.. was rather tired last night.. so didn't bother to come bLOg le.. reached home around 9.. watched the 9 o'clock show on channel 8 till 10.. before i switched to channel 56 to watch 完全娱乐.. actually.. got nothing much lah.. but xiEzHi was on the show.. heez.. he was wearing a hat.. so.. erm.. dun really look very nice ar.. but.. he's so cute.. and.. so.. gentleman.. this girl and him both lost in the game.. gotta burst the balloon in their hands.. and he told the girl to stand behind him.. he'll settle.. so swEEt de.. haha.. haiz.. i'm missing sOmEOnE.. but.. wat can i do.. nothing.. haiz.. hope he's living his days happy.. bESt oF LUck.. to him.. was treated like a delivery-girl yesterday.. gotta bring keys to my brother.. didn't even say thank u.. he went off.. wat the.. then went off to meet cAt they all.. supposed to meet at 12.. but i was there only at 1 plus.. so sorry.. but.. it's the stupid school's fault.. didn't allow me to enter.. not even to the general office.. wat crap.. haiz.. then met cAt.. eLi.. hUiEn.. jEffERy.. and all at wisma's kFC.. waited for them to finish eating before we set off.. eLi could tell i was really bothered by something.. but.. i juz wouldn't tell.. sorry.. didn't want u to worry.. and i think it's hard to put my feelings to words.. aunt's in hospital.. and i'm crapped up with all of my thinking.. haiz.. life's getting a bit out of hand.. haiz.. then went shop shop around orchard.. u know.. the usual places.. yup yup.. haha.. erm.. then went over to cAt's house.. till 8 plus.. then me and hUiEn.. went off first.. popped over at mAc's to eat a little before heading home lor.. haha.. kiez ar.. me better get going.. need to prepare.. gotta meet cAt.. eLi.. jO.. hUiEn.. at 12.. oops.. gonna be late.. bYEz..



erm.. seems like everyone's gotten long blogs for the nEw yEAr.. cOOL.. guess most of us enjoyed ourselves ar.. still.. me wish for wORLd pEAcE aLwAys..
haiz.. it seems like.. there's some things that hUiEn's sister know that i dun.. i'm so confused.. so sad.. and so dishearted.. i dunno why.. but this is only the second day of 2004.. why am i like this?? i dunno.. hUiEn's sister even tried to pair me up with jErEmy.. meaning she knows too.. hUiEn said she knows even more.. when i dun.. i dunno.. i'm so.. i dunno.. felt so weird.. she said.. some stuff abt dERRy too.. i didn't.. i know dERRy msges.. but.. normal friends msg too.. i didn't think much.. i dunno.. maybe it was juz guesses.. but.. there's something that hUiEn said that.. i dunno.. she said.. outsider sees the situation better.. but.. i really dunno.. i dun wanna give anyone the wrong idea.. it's obvious i haven't gotten over that sOmEOnE.. i wanted to.. i'm trying.. kOr said.. i shouldn't give up the whole forest becoz of one tree.. i know he said it for a reason.. and i know the reason.. but.. the feeling juz isn't there.. somethings juz can't be forced.. and he understands.. but.. i duno.. i've been letting a lot of people down.. i've simply hurt too many people.. i dun wanna hurt anymore innocent guys le.. especially for jErEmy.. he's been waiting.. and so have rEnyOng-kOr.. i'm sorry.. so sorry.. if anyone of them happened to read this.. i really want to say.. SORRY.. from the bottom of my heart.. thanks for being so patient with me.. thanks for making me happy.. thanks for bringing me the good memories.. and thanks for letting me feel loved.. i'm not as good as anyone would have thought.. maybe it's time to forget.. time to let go.. i'm so sorry to have to hurt anyone once and once again.. but.. i juz couldn't forget sOmEOnE.. i'm trying real hard.. i promised.. i will.. but i juz couldn't.. i dun even have an answer.. i'm left hanging around.. i dun dare ask for an answer.. i fear rejection.. i know it hurts.. but i couldn't accept everyone.. in the end.. some would still be left hurt.. i really dun want that to happen.. i understand the feeling.. i totally do.. why isn't it as easy to handle as i've thought so since young?? why do it have to be this shit.. i seriously like that sOmEOnE.. but.. i so wanna see him happy.. maybe i should leave him alone.. he'll find his true love someday.. while i do the same.. maybe we are juz not meant for each other.. God has plans.. maybe this is juz retribution.. for me.. being heartless to hiM.. so long ago.. for me.. being unfaithful.. for me.. breaking too.. too many people's heart.. i'm sorry.. i am so so very sorry.. i'm sad.. i'm feeling terrible.. but.. i'll put on my usual.. cheerful and.. happy self tomolo.. cAt's back.. she wanna go out.. i shouldn't spoil her mood.. i'll try.. maybe i need more time.. i've tried accepting jErEmy.. but.. i couldn't forget that sOmEOnE.. dun wanna hurt him.. told him to forget.. he didn't.. the more he doesn't.. the more he's gonna get hurt.. hurt deeply.. deeply.. eDwARd asked me to introduce nice girls to him.. but.. i told him.. that's not gonna help.. it's better to get to know that person on his own.. better understanding.. and he said.. he found me.. but i didn't want him.. when i wanted.. he didn't.. i dun wanna be a substitute.. he'll find someone he truly love.. i know he would.. i think i've broken so many so many people's heart.. there's nothing i can say.. but.. SORRY.. so SORRY..



2003 唱片销售排行榜

1. Jay Chou 周杰伦
2. Jolin 蔡依玲
3. S.H.E
4. Stephanie Sun 孙燕姿
5. 5566





hAPpy nEw yEAR EvERyOnE!!
yeah.. today's a new day le.. we have moved from the past year to the new 2004.. many stuffs that we would have to reconsider and think though ar.. had a tiring but enjoyable night last night.. or should i say this morning.. haha.. actually.. i'm so lazy to blog le.. haiz.. i've been doing this since like 12 plus.. and i've not even started with the main stuffs.. haiz.. very lag ar.. dun really feel like doing anything.. i'm like.. type one sentence.. then i'll walk off to do some other stuffs.. haiz.. ay.. okiez.. back to yesterday's programs..
met hUiEn @ 8.. @ far east bus stop.. as usual.. she's that 'tinny-winny' late.. then.. walked around.. quite aimlessly de.. haha.. then went over to kinokuniya.. hUiEn got 20% off thing that ends yesterday.. so she die also wanna buy something.. but anyway.. thanks ar.. got my 'pLAy' magazine at a cheaper price ar.. heez.. then.. we walked to heerens.. me wanna take neoprints.. last day of 2003 le mah.. muz keep memories.. heez.. a bit crap lah.. but.. ya.. still muz have swEEt swEEt memories mah.. ^-^ by that time.. i was already like 10 plus le.. met jOEL and his bunch of friends.. damn weird.. kinda extra.. haiz.. they wanted to go clubbing.. so not me.. dAniEL asked me go too.. but i said i didn't want to.. so didn't want to join them either ar.. so mE.. hUiEn and fiOnA went off on our own.. headed for the esplanade.. but.. we were late.. too bad.. missed the countdown.. wouldn't have if we left heerens earlier.. haiz.. stood outside there for so long lor.. wat the.. then even got sprayed with those ribbons thingy by some weird guys.. poor us.. heez.. but.. i guessed it was fun ar.. had that nEw yEAR festive feeling.. haha.. saw the fireworks at esplanade though.. the sight was glamorous.. love the fireworks at the last part.. the one that has white sparks flying in opposite directions de.. so swEEt.. pREtty pREtty ar.. haha.. after the event.. we walked from the esplanade over to the merlion.. thought it's nicer off there ar.. so yup.. went over.. was trying to call eLi.. but phone a bit the stupid.. cannot send message and also cannot call.. felt damn lame.. it's either starhub or i dunno wat.. haiz.. finally managed to get though le.. haha.. talked for a while.. before eLi wanted to call cAt.. so asked her to help me wish her happy new year too.. guessed she's back in singapore le ba.. heez.. will meet up someday de lah.. heez.. ay.. then received a call from jErEmy.. and i was like "hello..".. and he went "ay.. ar.. hello ar.. erm.. happy new year leh..".. then i felt a bit.. huh?? wat the.. call juz to say this de?? like a bit weird de.. heard weird weird sounds in the background de.. dunno lah.. think his group of friends all know abt me de.. haiz.. so i.. like.. try continue with the conversation ar.. i asked "where u all ar..".. i mean.. hUiEn's sister was with them ar.. then maybe.. if meet them.. easier for hUiEn to go home?? i dunno.. but.. seems like.. i made a wrong decision ba.. hUiEn's quite not happy with watever we did after that ba.. it was obvious.. i know though she didn't say.. but i could tell.. the 'telepathy' thingy.. haiz.. sorrie.. they say they were @ marina square.. so we made our way there.. fiOnA went with us.. that i think caused her to miss her train.. so sorry ar.. haiz.. in the end.. she had to take a cab home.. haiz.. then they were no longer there le.. i think at that time.. hUiEn's all the more not happy ar.. i already was.. haiz.. they were at bugis.. so went over.. finally met them le.. WE WALKED THERE.. PLEASE TAKE NOTE!! we really walked like 5km for the whole night lor.. haiz.. from bugis.. we walked to some i dunno wat road.. think is waterloo street or something.. remembered it becoz cHuEn's friend was looking for the street name.. then from there we walked to ay.. the kopitiam near the national library.. wanted to sit down.. eat and stuff de.. but it was so fully packed.. so we continued walking.. ay.. then walked passed paradiz centre.. (where mOnEy was..) then passed serangoon area.. reached rangoon road.. finally we separated ways home.. hUiEn.. her sister and her friend went off into the road to head home.. dERRy they all continued to walk.. while i took a cab back home.. by then.. it was already 3 le.. phew.. out like the whole night ar.. finally home.. took a shower.. and when i was abt to go sleep.. dAniEL called.. haha.. was quite surprised.. but i was happy.. oh god.. i'm supposed to be faithful de.. haiz.. but we talked though the morning till almost 6.. before we both went to sleep.. i dunno.. but i think he's a little drunk.. haiz.. nevermind.. i've got no idea.. heez.. i think my new year resolutions gonna be kind of a hard to fulfil ba.. haiz.. i'm suppoesed to forget that sOmEOnE de.. but.. when the msg juz wouldn't get though i felt sad.. and when it finally did.. i was jumping with joy.. boy.. what's with me?? haiz.. hELP!!

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